My response to Amanda Marcotte, one of the most vile feminists I've read in awhile on her column The Real Debate Isn’t About “Life” But About What We Expect Of Women, where she compares having an abortion to having a cavity removed and rants about why she hates babies and never wants one:
If we all work together to come up with real choices for women — better birth control, better maternity leave, subsidized daycare, a living wage, flexible work schedules, better schooling options, more attractive open-adoption and temporary foster care options, etc. — abortion may roll itself into the world of obsolescence, regardless of its legal status.
Ah, doesn’t that sound nice? We give women more opportunities to leave work early for their mothering duties and some gold-plated day care and perhaps some re-education camps (don’t say that out loud) and eventually, they will succumb to our soft coercion and know that having a baby is what they really want, like they should, because all ladies love babies—and all ladies want a baby right now because they are so cute—because they are ladies.
Well, let me just put a stop to this shit right now. You can give me gold-plated day care and an awesome public school right on the street corner and start paying me 15% more at work, and I still do not want a baby. I don’t particularly like babies. They are loud and smelly and, above all other things, demanding. No matter how much free day care you throw at women, babies are still time-sucking monsters with their constant neediness. No matter how flexible you make my work schedule, my entire life would be overturned by a baby. I like my life how it is, with my ability to do what I want when I want without having to arrange for a babysitter. I like being able to watch True Detective right now and not wait until baby is in bed. I like sex in any room of the house I please. I don’t want a baby. I’ve heard your pro-baby arguments. Glad those work for you, but they are unconvincing to me. Nothing will make me want a baby.
And don’t float “adoption” as an answer. Adoption? Fuck you, seriously. I am not turning my body over for nine months of gaining weight and puking and being tired and suffering and not being able to sleep on my side and going to the hospital for a bout of misery and pain so that some couple I don’t know and probably don’t even like can have a baby. I don’t owe that couple a free couch to sleep on while they come to my city to check out the local orphans, so I sure as shit don’t own them my body. I like drinking alcohol and eating soft cheese. I like not having a giant growth protruding out of my stomach. I hate hospitals and like not having stretch marks. We don’t even force men to donate sperm—a largely pleasurable activity with no physical cost—so forcing women to donate babies is reprehensible.
This is why, if my birth control fails, I am totally having an abortion. Given the choice between living my life how I please and having my body within my control and the fate of a lentil-sized, brainless embryo that has half a chance of dying on its own anyway, I choose me. Here’s another uncomfortable fact for anti-choicers: Just because a woman does want children doesn’t mean she wants them now. Maybe she’s still got some fun-having to do. Or maybe she has a couple already and, already well-educated about the smelly neediness of babies, feels done with having them. Either way, what she wants trumps the non-existent desires of a mindless pre-person that is so small it can be removed in about two minutes during an outpatient procedure. Your cavities fight harder to stay in place.
So, reading those three paragraphs above? I bet at some point you recoiled a bit, even if you don’t want to have recoiled a bit. Don’t I sound selfish? Hedonistic? Isn’t there something very unfeminine about my bluntness here? Hell, I’m performing against gender norms so hard that even I recoil a little. This is actually what I think, and I feel zero guilt about it, but I know that saying so out loud will cause people to want to hit me with the Bad Woman ruler, and that causes a little dread. Why do we feel this way? What kind of training and socialization did we receive that made us think there’s something terribly wrong about a woman who is hurting no one and is actually pretty nice but wants what she wants in her private life and doesn’t apologize about it? Is there a reason that we should bully women into pretending that they’re more interested in being selfless and eternally nurturing than they actually are, even at great cost to themselves? Would we be even remotely close to as upset with a man who said he’s too invested in his bachelor lifestyle to consider having a baby? Is the pressure that’s dished out to women to serve at great cost to themselves just oppression, an attempt by society to extract labor and other goods out of women without giving them compensation and respect for it? Or is there some rational justification for it?
Now that is an interesting conversation, for those who are interested in free-wheeling discourse where we tackle the hard questions. Far more interesting with far more unexplored dimensions than the tedious “when does life begin” discussion that goes nowhere and is deliberately constructed to be circular to avoid having the real conversation. Gender norms and conformity are fascinating topics of discussion, for those who pride themselves on being brave and leaving no cow untipped, no hard question unasked. So let’s get on that, and drop rehashing a non-debate that’s been had so many times that reading it threatens to cause death by boredom.I should hope someone who hates kids like her never has them. Hopefully she abstains and is responsible enough not to risk a pregnancy. Abortion isn't meant as contraception/birth control. The original argument was in cases of rape...even though Roe V Wade was passed on a lie, she was never raped. Now they want abortion on demand for any reason regardless if the mother was raped or has a so called 'life threatening' complication. It's disgusting and reflects the true feminist agenda is to use abortion as a form of birth control and an excuse to avoid personal responsibility, while endangering themselves and killing an innocent and defenseless human being in the process. blog comments powered by Disqus